‘Present Over Perfect’ . The new or slightly improved me 😂

So amazing the 💡 has just gone on with a BANG for Me ..

‘feeling helpful to strangers doesn’t do it for me anymore’.

*Page 95 of Shauna Niequist book ‘Present Over Perfect’.

That’s me.

EXACTLY where I am at.

Burned out from 39 years of Customer service.

Trying to reconcile the changes in my heart and mind over the past 6 months.

Especially the change of heart in my desire to serve the public and help people. I think that I have always felt like I had to make every body ‘like me’ and the more people I pleased the more whole I was.

I realise now, that was a sham.

I’ve recently been going through such a metamorphosis (the last 3 months especially).

There have been days when I have really disliked myself. The anger that has swelled inside my heart as no matter how hard I tried to help people, they were still so rude and disrespectful. It has been so difficult to keep trudging those steps to work as I waited to see what God had in store.

I’ve had times of immense patience and trust, as I knew that He was doing something. And at other times I’ve acted like a spoiled brat. Fed up. Wanting to spit the dummy and stand up to the rudeness.

Not put up with being someone else’s whipping post.
Whether it be someone moody or unhelpful, or a customer who feels so entitled that they treat you like dirt. I have wanted to scream. I’VE HAD ENOUGH AND I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE’.

The last three weeks have probably been the most difficult. The last two days at my job almost unbearable. Leaving – in a way that I had not intended. Doing something that I have never done, by walking out after an disagreement with the boss.

Now, three days later, I just feel relieved.
I feel like I can move on. Into the new and unexpected. A little nervous, but a lot excited as I wait to see what God has planned for me and mine.

Trusting Him with the unknown, not having a regular, secure, stable job is scary.

The important thing though, is that We have never gone hungry. Bills may have been paid late – but they were still paid.
God has and will – provide for us. I know that full well.

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Trust is a real thing 😊 💯

Lately, my life has undergone some major changes.

My heart, my job, our family.
All good changes. Changes that were preceded by pain and effort. Heartbreak and sadness. The fear of the unknown.

Changes that involved not just myself. Standing on and watching people I love – in immense pain. Suffering through trials that were no fault of their own.

Changes are sometimes fluid and easy. Other times they involve effort, struggle and inevitable heart break.

This increases the value when you see fruit, or realise where you are now and just how far you have come.

This breathes such gratitude into my heart.

Like child birth, great pain births a beautiful new life.
At the end of something which involves a huge effort comes the gift. Not always, I know – but in this case, at this time. There is blessing.
Sometimes the blessing is not even for ourselves . It could be that the very effort … the blood, sweat and tears that you put your time, treasure and talent into – is to grow, challenge or encourage someone else.

I love the times when a light bulb goes on over my head and I can see that something seemingly painful had a purpose. Like aaahahh – that’s the reason I have lived through A, B or C …

Stepping out and trusting God in the unknown, is at times – very scary.

Especially when you don’t have any idea of the purpose or the result.

All I can offer is my previous experience.

My realisation so far this year is – that ‘God’s got this’.

That is a H U G E lightbulb moment for me.

God – Has – GOT – THIS !

He truly has. He can be trusted. His word promises that. My experience shows me that – this is true.

And from His word He confirms it …

Deuteronomy 1:29 MSG

‘I tried to relieve your fears: “Don’t be terrified of them. GOD, your God, is leading the way; he’s fighting for you. You saw with your own eyes what he did for you in Egypt; you saw what he did in the wilderness, how GOD, your God, carried you as a father carries his child, carried you the whole way until you arrived here.’

You can trust God too. It may take only baby steps, but that’s all you need.

It’s a long, long way back home …

Heaven Is Home  …  

That is what we are taught as Christians. And that IS what I believe.

Life crashes upon us daily, with a combination of the amazing,  the painful and the ludicrous.

In the amazing – I am so thankful that I am ‘living the dream’.

In the painful – I want out. Take me home NOW,  please  …

In the ludicrous – like the frustrations of getting stuck behind a slow driver,  or the customer who is cranky and takes it out on you, a family member who disrespects you, a work colleague who treads on you or steals an idea and claims it as their own  .. I want to lash out. I run the scenarios of how I would llike respond to their selfishness .

But I DON’T .. What stops me?

How do I control myself against the very urge that threatens to overcome me  ???

Sometimes I do say something that I wish I hadn’t, because I feel justified. Most often though (and increasingly as I understand God,  the world and myself – better ), I allow the something greater inside me – that which is shaped, by my understanding of God – to be the overriding decision maker – before I open my mouth. It is only then that I can extend grace and treat others the way that I like to be treated. Undeserved acceptance.

abstract aluminum architectural architecture
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Don’t just take my word for it ..

Read what God’s word says.

Hebrews 11:13-16 The Message (MSG)

13-16 Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. If they were homesick for the old country, they could have gone back any time they wanted. But they were after a far better country than that—heaven country. You can see why God is so proud of them, and has a City waiting for them.

 

So thankful that we have this reminder.

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

 

 

🌻February till August🌻

It has been quite some time since I have posted anything on my blog. February actually,  so that is – six – whole – months!

There are a few reasons for my absence.

Firstly I let something get in my head which was pretty  unhelpful , and let’s just say it robbed me of a little confidence. Nothing like a God inspired reality check to get me back on track though …

Time Flies , whether you are having fun or not …

So here I am , six months older and a bit wiser thankfully.

Enjoying my mornings spent with my grandkiddos, watching them grow in body, mind and spirit .

It’s like having a second chance at parenting – only more fun and with so much more brain space and so many good things to share with them.

If only I could have been this wise when I  was raising their Daddy 💙 and our daughter 💖

So many positive things have happened for us as a family.

You know when you start to realise that you are finally getting into the groove of your life’s purpose and the fit is right ?

You get past feeling like you have to please everyone else – all of the time. You give yourself permission to just be who you were created to be ??? And then scratch your head,  wondering why it took you 52 year’s to get here ???

Well that’s me.

Now.

In this space.

AND I like me! (most of the time) 😀😁😂

I have learned how to be a wife,  a mum, a friend. I am more than just those things – but all of these thing’s are aspects of me.  I care about people and important stuff. I love being unique. I trip over my own words on a regular basis (just ask my work buddies) .. And .. I have the Dad joke’s down pat!

What I’m trying to say is this  .. Just be you.

Crazy,  Beautiful,  YOU …

Unique is great. That is where you will function at your best.

Even more importantly,  if it takes you less than 52 years, then – Well done you !!!

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus,  so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. ‘ Ephesians 2:10

photography of woman surrounded by sunflowers
Photo by Andre Furtado on Pexels.com

 

 

 

 

A Rainy Monday Morning ☔

Good Morning,

Today is a rainy Monday morning. My bed is as yet unmade. Today is the first day that I have had at home in a while, so I am still in Pyjamas. I’ve had two cappuccino’s already. Mmmm Coffee.

It feels so luxurious not to have be anywhere at this moment.

My plans today are to zip around and do some housework, then get ready, go out to pick something up from the shop and visit a friend.

I have been up since before 5am. Cleaned up after 3 dog’s. One puke and two poops. Ahhh the joys of a cute little puppy ..

This is a slow morning so far.

Most other day’s it’s waaaaayyyy busier. Full time employment, running errands, picking up and dropping off kid’s. Early morning loads of washing, sewing a button back on .. Work, bring in the washing. Passing your husband in the doorway before kissing him goodnight as he has to get up at 3 am. Oh yeah … At some point making food and stopping to eat it. Church, Bible study and a host of appointments squeezed in.

I know that it’s the same for all of us. It may take the shape of being a young Mum with a new baby and very little support. Or you may be an executive with many staff to manage. You might be a Grandmother baking for family or a local community centre or your Church.

Each of our contributions are so amazingly valuable.

When I was a young Mum, I read Proverbs 31. I read it with fear and trepidation. I could NEVER, ever measure up. I was doomed before I even started .

To be completely honest – it actually put me off the Bible for a time.

Who was this Superwoman who could shop till she dropped ? Up preparing breakfast before dawn .. organising her day. Dressing early for work .. Looking at property and purchasing it. Working long and hard … Rolling up her sleeves and mending clothes. She even makes her own clothes ! She designs clothes and sells them. She only speaks when she has something worthwhile to say ! (I wish) … She keeps an eye on her family.

This woman. Super, fantastic, amazing woman ‘is to be admired and praised’ And ‘she lives in the fear (aka respect) of God’ .. Proverbs 31:30

Now .. At a few weeks off 52 (married at 18, Mum at 19, two kiddos by 21) ..

A new light shine’s on this Proverb and this Super-Hero-Woman that seems an unobtainable fairy tale ..

Hear this LOUD AND CLEAR. …

You are her ..

I am her ..

There is some of her in all of us. She’s a mash up of womanhood.

She’s NOT one woman. She’s all of us. In the role that God has placed us in.

So thank God today for your role. Do it to the best of your ability. Encourage the other women in your life. Pick each other up, pray for each other.

Don’t be afraid and guilt ridden.

We must allow God’s holy spirit to remind us that we don’t have to be perfect.

Just real.

😘😍💞🙏😊

Feeling Fake

OK,  so currently in bed after coming home from work with a ridiculous headache. 

Yes,  very definitely stress. That is real. Currently feeling like the world has imploded on me. A mixture of responsibilities both real and imagined. Work, family and relationships. Grief, sadness ..  Everything. 

I know this is reality for myself and possibly the entire population of the world. I know that I am not alone, or a trailblazer in this,  but today – no amount of head knowledge is helping. 

What I am also thinking about is why,  as A Christian , that I can’t just ‘get over’ my worldly problems. Knowing that they are only fleeting and temporary? 

Why do I continue to look at other Christians who seem to ‘get it’ better than I do?  

That is what I mean about fake. I feel fake. A pretend Christian. Like I  am acting in a movie role. 

I know in my heart that I am truly saved. I don’t doubt it. I believe that Jesus died for me. Yet I still wrestle with how that looks in my life. I want to live in a way that shines Jesus’ victory on that cross. 

I want to live life better. For Him.  Without having to over think or continuously self analyze. Is that possible? 

Certainly if I am looking at my thoughts, words and deeds that has to be a positive?  Actually caring about when I screw up? 

I truly do. 

I know the name of my enemy. It is definitely ‘Comparison’ .. 

In a nutshell I compare myself to other Christians. Mostly subconsciously,  but sometimes in ways that are self torturing. 

In my mind I will never measure up. I don’t have a Christian husband. I don’t have perfect family relationships. I definitely don’t always conduct myself in a ‘manner worthy of the gospel’

I am absolutely a ‘What you see is what you get’ kinda gal. Freakingly imperfect. 

Maybe one day I will be different, better,  but I will never attain perfection. So any of my friends or family reading this. Sorry. I can only be me. I hope that you will see a little bit of Jesus somewhere in there. 

Our current series at Church is called ‘The Next You’ , it implies that we are all works in progress. 

Remind me that next time you see me beating myself up. 

😊🤐😰😉

com·par·i·son

  (kəm-păr′ĭ-sən)

n.

1.

a. The act of comparing or the process of being compared.

b. statement or estimate of similarities and differences.













 



A little something about me …

I am NOT a Procrastinator .. not really a super spontaneous personality either. I lie somewhere in between.

2017-06-20 06.41.53AWWWW … LOOK at the cute puppy …

What I do know about me, is that I AM A TIME WASTER …

Social Media really gets me in, like the proverbial Bunny in the headlights.

It’s like this pretty little sparkle of light … I am drawn in, like a moth to a flame.

ME :

Ohhhhh … A yummy recipe, I will save that for later. 

Oh YAYYY .. Mary Jane is on Holidays .. I would soooo love to go there !!!

The News .. Now that IS important !

Ohhh … Look , It’s the verse for today …

A Cute puppy … awwwww .. (now that is my weakness) *see above, this is one of my 3 dogs – just call him ‘Vinnie Monster’   .. for reasons which should be pretty clear from this photo.

Oh look … isn’t little Johnny sooo cute , 6 months old today – Oh how time flies !

And .. Before I know it – an hour has slipped by …

I must get up and do something (so much to cram –  in on my day off) ..

Then – I do some washing, clean the kitchen, change the sheets and towels and somehow end back up on my phone or the laptop. Facebook, Instagram. Check some emails.

This is the ridiculous cycle that I ALLOW myself to be consumed with.

TIME WASTING

I know the better option is to spend time with God, yet – Why is there something within me that chooses to ignore that ?

If I delve a little deeper into my thought processes, sometimes I avoid time in prayer, because I am a little scared of what God might reveal.

Or possibly that I don’t want to have to think about some change I know that I need to make. Or that I feel helpless in not being able to ‘FIX’ things that I think need to be fixed, and sitting quietly before God,  is the time when tears of pain or sadness – that I am subconsciously trying to push down – will inevitably bubble to the surface.

And even as I articulate these feelings and thoughts now – My head knows what is best – but my heart and emotions long for Rainbows, Lollipops and Unicorns to appear .. Oh yes – I know that I am being ridiculous – but I think that you may understand what I mean ..

My rainbow may be ‘ Happily Ever After’, resolved relationships, Healing – all good and noble things – but God isn’t in the habit of giving us everything that we long for (for very good reason) ..  *picture super – spoiled- tantrum – throwing –  brats,  across the world … Pleading for their own way and hissy-fitting when they don’t get it.

I may not ‘hissy-fit’ –  but I do feel disappointed when my life doesn’t go to the plan that I have in my head.

So my favourite verse is my ‘go – to’ this week – I pray that it will help you and I to rely on God more, and ourselves less.

PROVERBS 3 : 5-8 NIV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;


in all your ways submit to him,


    and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Do not be wise in your own eyes;
    fear the Lord and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body
    and nourishment to your bones.

AMEN