Well … I am not really sure where to start …
So I guess that I will just jump right in !
I heard a story the other day – from a wife .. married for 50 .. Yes F I F T Y ! Years …
This lady and I engaged in a very brief conversation, but what she said to me has left a lasting impression ..
Our interaction happened in the course of my day at work – during a very basic retail transaction.
I think that she felt ‘safe’ as there were no other customers around to overhear what she must have been bottling up – wanting to share with a stranger.
This lady had been keeping this story inside for 8 looong years.
She and her husband had purchased a lounge together – tried many different types .. sat in them – and decided together that they had found ‘the one’.. that was right for them – BOTH – of – them …
When the couch arrived – it was just what she had anticipated .. and she was very happy with it .. but somehow – between purchase and delivery – his recollection of their choice had somehow changed – and he had insisted that the couch that they now had in their lounge room was Not the one they had ordered ..
So .. as the story of ‘stubbornness’ unfolded … the gentleman in question had refused to even sit on the couch ..
For eight looong years – he had sat on the arm of the chair – next to the couch – or the coffee table – she explained to me ..
BUT NEVER ON THAT COUCH …
I tried to absorb her words .. I have mulled them around in my head over the last few days … I have struggled to grapple with the fact that the man in question has sticking power greater than a feisty toddler …
1. full of animation, energy, or courage; spirited; spunky; plucky:
“The champion is faced with a feisty challenger.”
2. ill-tempered; pugnacious.
3. troublesome; difficult:
“feisty legal problems.”
Then as my thoughts wandered .. I realised that I – too can be stubborn – and – feisty … and although I may not be able to stay off a lounge chair for eight long years .. I have other things which I hang onto .. like being a ‘right-fighter’.. I am like a dog with a bone … when I know that I am ‘right’.. I want others to know it too ..
Or if I disagree with my husband .. I REALLY want him to know it …
Then .. as my female mind wanders and my thinking process speeds into overdrive … I whirl into the black hole of thoughts – dredging up my own flaws and faults ..
From there – I somehow ended up turning my imperfections into the fact that I am a bad person, bad friend .. don’t deserve any friends, least of all the most precious friend I have ever known … before I know it I am this teary mess … WHAT ?? How did this happen ???
Well – part of my thoughts emanate from truth – the part that makes me realise that although I am a perfectionist in many ways…. I am not perfect …
and although I also realise that I may not ‘deserve’ good relationships – thankfully I am very blessed to have them …
Best of all … this whole dramatic scenario – led me to a healthy conversation with my wise and trusted friend ..
Then, in turn – gave me a greater appreciation of what a healthy relationship looks like … and ..
WAIT – THERE’S MORE …
I realise that no relationship is perfect – they are constantly ‘Under Construction’.. no matter how long you’ve been at the building site .. Five years .. or Fifty years … whether it be a Marriage, a friendship, a parent/child or sibling relationship .. It requires integrity.. and courage .. and a renewing of our mind .. our thoughts .. words and actions ..
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 NIV